Forgive us (me) this day our daily bread

Due to a combination of severe technical and emotional issues, I have reverted to blogging here at Dirty, Naked and Happy.  WELL it’s not a true midlife crisis without some completely contradictory and fickle behaviour IS IT?

Tried to go high heels and realised I’m better off in my old trackies, eh?

What. Evuh.

Let’s all pretend the “new me” moment didn’t happen.

In fact, let’s be honest, whilst pondering on all this nonsense I took a proper look at my blog stats.  The reality is that most of you bastards who I *think* I’m talking to when I write aren’t actually reading any of this crap anyway.

That’s quite liberating.  I don’t know why I waste so much time justifying myself.

Stealing a paragraph from the new blog, now deceased, (confusing I know):

If there was an appropriate metaphor, it would be fat ol’ me, sweating in a too small too hot changing room, trying to get my hulking carcass out of a too small too hot dress, whimpering quietly at the strain, the zip lacerating my trembling back fat.  Crying as I near the point of desperation where I have to ask the stick insect shop assistant to help me, her “professional” face as she baulks at my unshaven armpits, ill-fitting mum pants with rogue pubes trying to escape the sides and my voluminous milky pale marshmallow belly… oh my god.

The blog is not the issue, the me is the issue.  I’m trying to huff and hump and haul my fat ass out of me:

I *am* actually having a mid-life crisis.

Whilst being a bit fey and drama and blogging that I’m having a mid-life crisis, but only in an ironic comedy way, I *am* actually having a mid-life crisis.

Also, I have been cheating.

Not on my husband, on my eating.  Several weeks of severe abdominal pain and many, many, many hours on the toilet later, I am realising that I cannot keep ignoring that bread (wheat) not only means shitting my pants but shitty thinking.

As with newborn babies, you can look longingly at the soft doughy-ness of it all but you must never, never, never bite it.

So yes, I have been massively overthinking.  Bouts of self doubt, criticism, loathing.  Embarrassing attempts at new blogs that were just a little too near the mark…

I don’t know if it’s medically provable but as the IBS flares up, the mood definitely plummets down for me.

The “Happy” is not untrue but we’re all fallible…

Brought home by daughter’s repeated watching of The Dumping Ground on cBBC – I think she was getting prepared for moving to a children’s home, I was so absent on the loo – I have made a renewed promise to reduce my bread interactions to sniffing and fondling, à la the amazing Breadface Woman.

I am now back to wheat-free and the fog is clearing…

In summary:

Got feeling a bit meh, lost, wistful, ate bad bread, went proper mad, slowly realised.

Probably going to do it again several times.

Will try to write less introspective funny stuff in between the mad moments.

…I suppose living all of this freakiness out loud and proud on my blog is the whole point of what I was intending to do anyway… wasn’t it?

10 thoughts on “Forgive us (me) this day our daily bread

    1. Ahh… that is a very good point.

      I have no idea! 🤷🏽‍♀️

      It’s part of a larger picture of getting into a rut about worrying what people are thinking…

      Daughter has been really sensory and fatigued and there have been a LOT of days in the bedroom recently… not good for the sanity 😖

      But I have got out the unfinished weaving and sewing projects and treated myself to some other art bits and reminded myself to see it as an opportunity!

      Thanks for commenting xxx
      😘😘

      Like

  1. I have a plethora of recipes for gluten-free things.
    This is one of my favourites

    Gluten-free chocolate cake

    Ingredients
    · 100g gluten-free self raising flour*
    · 45g cocoa powder
    · 110g caster sugar
    · 110g cooking margarine or butter
    · 2 eggs
    · ½ teaspoon vanilla essence or extract
    · 280g icing sugar (for the icing)
    · 140g butter (for the icing)
    · 75g chocolate (milk or dark), melted* (for the icing)
    · 1-2 tbsp milk or water (for the icing)
    Method
    1. Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas 4
    2. Melt the butter or cooking margarine until soft – but not runny – in a large mixing bowl
    3. Mix in the caster sugar
    4. Add the flour, cocoa powder and eggs, mixing well, then add the vanilla essence
    5. Pour the mixture evenly into two 20cm round greased and lined cake tins
    6. Place in the oven for 20-25 minutes until the cakes have risen and are lightly golden. To test if they are ready, insert a skewer into the middle of the cake – if it comes out clean, the cake is ready
    7. Cool completely
    8. To make the icing, beat together the icing sugar, melted chocolate and butter, slowly stirring in two or three teaspoons of boiling water or milk. Be careful not to make the icing too runny
    Spread the chocolate icing over the top of one of the cakes, then carefully place the other cake on top. Cover the top with more icing, then eat it

    Richard x

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  2. I am with you theire. I am not wheat intolerant but lactose intolerant and even after over 10 years I still have times when Day 1 ok I can have an ice cream (cream cake, cream on a pudding) and be ok so Day 2 well it is summer I can have another ice cream it is only a little one Day 3 um ooh better get up and get to the loo better not go out as need the loo every 5 mins and then I have the burning bum and sore.
    I don’t do this in term time (well try not to) as I have to go to work and rushing to loo is not good.particularly with special needs kids ” Mo where are you going?” and “Why are you going to the loo all the time?” Do you know how much stuff you buy that has whey powder, in cheese powder, milk, milk powder lactose? nearly everything it seems even medication!
    Lapses are bound to happen but you can get back on track Good luck and thanks for the blog I love reading it and i giggle but also feel for you

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    1. Mo – you’ve made me giggle!! You are so right, milk is hidden in everything.

      Daughter was allergic to cows’ milk protein (casein) when she was younger and food shopping became such an expedition!

      Even in plain uncooked chicken (bleurgh, injected to make it look better I suppose) and other unlikely places…

      Sad signs of the modern toxic world we live in that our bodies are malfunctioning!

      I’m off for a Mother’s Day lunch (we are going today so it’s quieter for daughter) so I am sure there will be a lapse…… (the full intolerance list is about a page long haha!)

      DNH xxxxxx

      Like

  3. I’m wheat intolerant too, so try and stay away from bread and wheat products as much as possible, but why is it wheat/gluten free stuff tastes so rank (to me anyway) ? (Although I will try the chocolate cake recipe 🙂 )

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    1. Haha! So true… fake bread is awful isn’t it… I rarely bother with the ‘substitutes’ now, I just try to eat differently…

      Not sure if Richard will see this but if you want a stonkingly amazing wheat-free cake that everyone goes crazy for, try this polenta cake recipe:

      https://www.nigella.com/recipes/lemon-polenta-cake

      …but to make it perfect, drop fresh blueberries all over the top just before it goes in the oven. Incredible. 🙂

      Like

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