And I didn’t like the way the conversation was going so I got my boobies out.

…and they looked just fabulous!  I never knew yellow was so my colour.  Especially since when I was young someone told me that yellow was the colour of madness!

Don’t panic.  That was just an experimental approach to beginning a blog post.  Three reasons:

1) it’s all been a bit heavy so far.

It’s not that I don’t like things being serious when they should be.  It’s day 1 of World Autism Awareness Week and I’m a touch emosh about all that’s happened to me in the last month but I’ll blog about that later, for now I feel frivolous.

2) I find the title bit too hard.

As per the last post when I left it until last then forgot to put anything at all… I suppose I could just put something simple that best explains the contents of the post but that seems like a shame. I like to be surprising.  Good surprising like when your KitKat hasn’t got any wafer in it.  Not bad surprising like when you’ve chased the dog round the house because you think they’re chewing a shoelace and you don’t want them to choke and then you realise it’s a desiccated worm.  Dog spit doesn’t rehydrate a dead worm quite how one might expect.

3) I like to taunt the teenage boys who find this blog on Google

On a previous incarnation of this blog, before I deleted it, long story, I used to track all of the “fruity” search terms that brought people here.  It amused me that Google would suggest me as a suitable result for search terms like “naked party games” and how disappointed the desperate searcher, having clicked through so many search results already, would be to arrive at a Mum blog.  What a stiffy killer.

Well anyways.  More loveliness came in the post yesterday!

Gorgeous chic wrapping……………………………

photo 1


Then inside.  Oh yes.  If I could be anything in the world that wasn’t me then I would be this whole bag o’ me!

photo 2

ME!  With my balloony San Fernando Valley boobies and my big willy that comes almost all the way down to my knees!!

Thank you to the wonderful Julie at Luke Drew This who ‘found’ me via the crazy viral spread of I Stand Quietly and who read it and shared it and who also saw behind the addictive-to-those-who-like-a-good-weep words and found the surprised and embarrassed, frivolous sometimes puerile, happy sometimes snarky, ultimately just quite normal girl-Mum behind…

…and knew EXACTLY what would make my day!

Not just the bag but the sheer power of the bag to (temporarily) silence a very talkative little girl who I love so much but whose ASD super powers include the ability to talk at such length on a subject that I am sometimes at the point of considering self-cannibalism, if there is such a thing, to escape.

Long silent pause, followed by many gulps and gasps, and then peals of glorious laughter later, she had forgotten what she was previously talking about.

[Fist pump!]

Sadly, I think this might have been a one-time power but never mind.  I will still get huge amounts of pleasure strutting around my local Waitrose with my tits and dick out.

26 thoughts on “And I didn’t like the way the conversation was going so I got my boobies out.

  1. I can’t tell you how much I needed that laugh today. My almost 7yo has the kind of ASD that makes teachers & acquaintances say “she can’t possibly be autistic” because a) they don’t know her and b) they don’t often see the stuff that goes on outside the class, at home, in her heart… I had no idea about Autism Awareness Week. I suspect a rather snot & tears provoking blog post might appear.

    Sent from my iPhone



    1. Gotta laugh or definitely gonna cry!! The “only shows at home” autism is tough isn’t it… But I sometimes think people don’t want to be “the one” to say it… My daughter’s teacher during her “howling like a wolf in class” phase still wouldn’t concede there might be anything up!! 😀


    1. If it’s any consolation, this blog is my fifth attempt over the past few years!! I have been pondering why this one is ‘working’ for ME, (as for whether it works for others, I am grateful if my Mother reads it, let alone anyone else!) and the difference is I am just writing from my heart, not overthinking, not trying to be so cool or snarky or relevant, not worrying that some of it is deep and some of it is shallow… just getting on with it!! XX


  2. I love funny search terms too! I have my BA dissertation on a site called – the title of said dissertation is “what the fuck? An analysis of swearing in casual conversation” and contains full transcripts of my friends talking absolute filth. Some of the search terms that bring people to it are hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love your writing Dirty…funny as hell!

    I’m sorry about all the follows/unfollows of your blog in a short period of time…I’m having some trouble figuring out wordpress’ buttons. I thought I was following you, but then you never showed up in my reader, and the confusion went on from there. I think I’ve properly followed you now!


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