I accidentally published this with no title, say no more…

Of course it was bound to happen and I should learn not to react (did I mention that problem I have with being indignant?), it took a lot longer to happen than I thought it would which should be a good sign of diminishing levels of ignorance but it still really PISSED me OFF.

Welcome to a day in the life of a high functioning ASD kid’s Mum, part two.  This is generally preceded by part one: dealing with the “but she doesn’t look like she has autism” comments.  Part two: dealing with the “do you think the MMR vaccine caused the bad dirty Autism?” comments.

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you and please please forgive me if this is a callous question but I’m wondering if you see a link between your daughter’s autism and vaccination?

Yeah, it’s a pretty callous question.  Why should I forgive you?  It’s also pretty ignorant.  Why ask me?

I only ask because I’m in a complete dilemna about whether or not to vaccinate my twins. I know they say that the link between Autism and vaccination has been discredited but then I watched this talk last night and I’m wondering if this is really true…

Well, if “they” say the link is discredited (I assume by “they” you mean those with knowledge, in authority, those you had the free, unimpeded right to vote into power, etc), you know what – you’ve made the right move – why not ask a woman with no relevant qualifications, who so far has expressed no interest or opinion on the subject, who has a tendency to swear and is worryingly wistful about her boozing days… she definitely knows the answer.

I am searching for answers and trying to reach a decision. I didn’t vaccinate my first child – he was healthy and full term, but I have a cousin with Aspergers and I didn’t want to put my little boy at risk. But with premature babies, my twins are entrenched in a medical system – they owe their lives to advances in medical science and they are monitored regularly and closely by the staff who oversaw their 3 month in hospital. If I was not to continue to vaccinate them, I would be viewed as criminal by the hospital staff.

So, you are not really searching for answers.  The fact you failed to vaccinate your first child – yes, I said failed, you wanted my opinion – shows me quite clearly that you are capable of making up your own mind.

I don’t know the precise law in your country, but where you say “viewed as criminal” I think you mean this as a turn of phrase rather than that they will call the police and ensure you are prosecuted and put in jail and separated from your children…

…because I would imagine the risk of permanent (emotional) damage to your children from a sudden harsh separation from their mother (and goodness knows what knock-on effects involving welfare and society at large) would be a far more realistic and likely possibility in that case.

Surely you wouldn’t risk that?

I wondered if you have any thoughts on the matter as a mother of a child with Autism?

How astonishingly glib.  Yes of course I do.

My first thought is that your question is quite pathetic.  You will be shocked and upset to hear that.  Maybe I shouldn’t say shit like that to people I don’t know and who mean me no harm, but maybe you should get up off your weepy arse and get some backbone and make your own decision, like all other parents have to do.

My opinion is of no true worth here… I can quickly find someone with the opposite opinion to also present their case to you and cancel me out.

Perhaps you should try to imagine you are making the decision in a world where all the kids of your friends and family are contracting measles.  Some scrape through OK, others die. YES DIE.  Or where your son comes to you as a deaf adult asking you again why you let him get mumps.  Are you so worried about Autism now?

You are?  Well how nice it is to have that luxury simply because the majority of mothers put their fears to one side and got their kids vaccinated.

My kid has ASD.  I don’t know exactly why as NO ONE knows exactly why some people are autistic and others are not.  But we are fairly sure it is not a modern epidemic.  The increasing rate of autism diagnosis has been shown to correlate with the decline in other more generic diagnoses of mental retardation and the like.  If you read more widely, you would know that.

If you read more widely you would also know that the odds of your kids DYING in a vehicle-related accident are roughly the same as your kids LIVING with ASD – are you also planning to lock them in the house forever?

I am not going to share my complex and long-considered opinion on MMR and autism. It would not answer your question about whether you should jab your kids anyway.

I am going to share my opinion that if governments and health authorities weren’t wasting money on advertising and awareness programmes to halt the decline in vaccination uptake by women like you then they might have more money to spend on frankly life-changing resources like regular occupational therapy for my daughter.

I appreciate I have put myself in the public domain by sharing my poem about my daughter to try and raise autism awareness in a positive way.  OK, the words are hard to read and make people cry, but how you feel that justifies you asking me how to stop your kids becoming like my kid?

Frankly you could do a lot worse.  She fecking ROCKS.  You should be thankful to have a kid with half the intelligence, thoughtfulness, kindness and world-changing potential that she has.

I thought about replying to your email privately rather than writing this blog post.  I have thought long and hard about it, about how upset you might be.  About how I am just lashing out maybe…

In conclusion, I feel I’m being no more selfish or ignorant than you.

(Bring on the trolls!!!!)

28 thoughts on “I accidentally published this with no title, say no more…

  1. I have 2 daughters with asperger’s and yes I had them both vaccinated. When my youngest was 2 weeks old a little boy, who lived not to far from us died. He died at the age of 5 from measles. I was terrified my baby was 2 weeks old, no where near old enough to have her MMR. The thought that I could lose my baby because of selfish ignorant people who don’t vaccinate their children made my blood boil. What really gets me is you don’t have to have the MMR you can pay to have each vaccine seperately. Yes both my girls have asperger’s. They are both highly intelligent, they are both on the gifted and talented programme, they are both so popular and have so many friends and I thank God everyday that I am blessed to be their mum. This year they will be 12&16 and already are being courted by university’s. The gifted and talented programme is affiliated with various university’s here in the UK. So do I regret them being autistic no because they are alive, and that poor little boy didn’t reach his 6 birthday.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I frigging can’t stand anti-vaxxers complete morons! In the states we had a mini measles outbreak earlier this year and it’s become quite the hot topic debate. I actually blogged about it http://skipahsrealm.com/its-a-freaking-shot/ these people are criminals! There is no credited doctor that says you should not vaccinate. I will grieve for the first child that comes down with polio because their parents were morons.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When I sometimes feel the need to share with someone that one of my children are autistic, maybe because of a ‘ stim’ that startled them, or one of my sons informing an elderly person that they are very old ( my son is 16, it can look rather rude) or my daughter hyperventilating about having to sit next to a stranger ( which can also not look that friendly) , the thing that amazes me most is the amount of time people say ‘oh I am sorry for you’ Why do they think that’s not offensive towards my children or me . Autism is a disability that can be scary for people as there are no outward signs or reason, therefore it is more real for people , therefore it leads them to ask the most outrageous and offensive things at times. Don’t worry about that letter , the writer obviously has their own issues to resolve ; )

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    1. 🙂 I’m not going to worry about it… I might worry a little about being less-than-understanding but I’ll get over it..!

      I never intended to blog just about autism, and won’t in future, but whilst I temporarily have an audience (that will dwindle as my puerile humour comes out more often), it’s good to put stuff out there that hopefully shocks people into thinking about their behaviour…

      I’ve had the “OMG I’m so sorry!” too, it’s a very weird thing to hear let alone when your child is in earshot! That is one of the times that I love it that my daughter growls at people… much love xxxxx

      Liked by 4 people

  4. For my tuppence worth I found her approach annoying, not because she has/has not vaccinated but because she was looking for validation and excuse. Like you I have my own opinion on vaccinations, but they are my opinions based on my readings. I have also had the comments that my choosing to vaccinate is why my boy has ASD. They can F… off, it was my/my husbands decision and the only person who I will allow to criticise us is our boy.

    I think you have been far kinder to her than I would have been.

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  5. have you seen the wonderful Penn and Teller video about vaccines? it shows very vividly about how the risks of not vaccinating way outweigh the risks of autism. It’s brilliant. I have a 19 yr old daughter with autism and several other diagnoses, and none of them have anything to do with vaccines.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh WELL said!! I stumbled here just having read your I Stand Quietly article today, but I love you TWICE as much now that I find you rock indignance with a sceptre and a crown! I love your writing ~ you can feel the beautiful, glinting edge of each quip and phrase as it slices through the astonishing gall before you. Nicely, nicely played. You, ma’am, are wonderfully brilliant! Indignate away : )

    Liked by 3 people

  7. You are a beautiful person 🙂

    I’ve not been diagnosed with autism, but I’ve always felt the biggest problem with autism is everyone else.

    Most people don’t really do what I call thinking, they’re more interested in ‘rising above’ what is different from them than conceding they might learn from it.

    One example of high functioning autism:

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    1. The ‘rising above’ comment is a little more biting than I intended. Many people are just scared of what they don’t already understand.

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        1. There is a literal aspect to which many people’s self worth is based on the fact that they’re not “mentally ill” and other people are. Then they reinforce the idea that these people are mentally ill by refusing to put effort into understanding what’s going on. (An extension of the standing on each other’s heads principle society is built on)

          It’s sickening.

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          1. After hearing from so many people after publishing my poem, my views are changing radically. I am starting to feel that all the awareness and understanding stuff is just too sweet and gentle. Definitely for high functioning / Aspergers types, anyone, organisation, etc not supporting those who are simply different to neurotypical is discrimination… I wonder how aggressively that could be progressed legally (when I win the lottery) eg banning loud hand dryers for one, employers legally obliged to make necessary accommodations like for physically disabled employees… Hmmmmm.

            Liked by 1 person

    2. I also am not trying to say that there are no problems with autism, I just find they are amplified unnecessarily by people’s lack of understanding.

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  8. Nicely done, I completely agree with the lady above who told the story of the little boy who died from measles – I also recently read a blog from the mother of an immuno-compromised child – it’s pure selfishness to not vaccinate your child and put those with weaker immune systems or those too young for vaccinations at risk. Rock on with your awesome posts, you’ve definitely found a long-term follower in me. I came to your blog through ‘I stand quietly’ and I’ve read every post since and several from before.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. As the original poster who got your goat stated “they are monitored regularly and closely by the staff who oversaw their 3 month in hospital”

    If that’s the case, then they have their answer already: the medical staff at the hospital are taking care of things, so they have no need to seek your’s or anyone else’s opinion on vaccination or any other medical intervention for their twins.

    Frankly, I’m amazed that someone who has their children under such close medical supervision is openly seeking advice from non-medical sources in a way that suggests they’re doing so to counter medical advice they’ve received.

    Not immunizing a child against e.g. measles, mumps, rubella, leaves them open to attack from what are not mild childhood illnesses, both in young childhood and then again when they go to college / Uni.

    These were still fairly common illnesses when I was a kid back in the 1960’s/70’s – I well remember a classmate in junior school being deaf as a result of mumps. Her hearing won’t ever come back.

    Many kids still die from measles around the world.

    A No did in the outbreak in the UK in 2014 as a result of some parents thinking this was no longer a problem and then failing to vaccinate their kids as a result. Some of those were kids at Uni encountering the virus for the first time.

    That says the issue has been around for at least 13/14 yrs – parents have been failing their kids on the basic health issues for at least that long.

    Unless there is a valid reason for your individual child to not be immunised, then it is your duty as a parent to them and to every other child they will come into contact with the immunise them against every virus / disease that it is possible to do so.

    All vaccines are tested for safety. All have some warnings – the same as all licensed drugs. We heed those, so why not those on vaccines?

    Sorry, I got a bit annoyed by the original poster…

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      1. I think I have “uncontrollable indignance” as well!

        At least, I often find myself raging at something I hear on the radio or shouting at the TV (less frequent as I find myself watching it less and less) with indignant outrage at something some politician / pundit / so-called celebrity has just spouted off about something they have little, if any, knowledge of.

        Is it a diagnosable condition?

        If not, it probably should be!

        Perhaps there’s a cure?

        Since I seem to have been this way much of my adult life, I don’t think there’s much hope for me – I must already be completely addicted without hope of redemption.

        We could always ask your friendly pastor to suggest one: I feel sure he’s met that particular demon once or twice along the way and will have a suitable exorcism ready and waiting 🙂 Perhaps we could put ourselves forward as guinea-pigs for a controlled trial?

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  10. I just want to say that I love you. You have a gifted voice as a writer, and I seriously LOVE your responses to the crazy woman. You are amazing and lovely and all things good. And I hate writing titles, too.

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  11. You’re simply amazing….in so many ways. I wish I could sit here and write as powerfully as you do and explain why I think you’re so freaking awesome, but I can’t. All I can say is that you are one heck of a woman – I applaud you, your bravery, your raw honesty and all that you stand for.

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  12. i stumbled upon your blog via your poem on social media and really liked it !

    Until I read this post

    You come across as quite vile. Clearly this women who only wanted to ask your opinion yet you ridicule her in public! It is a question that is a hot topic in some places and if you’re high profile which this blog / you are people are going to ask you what you think . To think otherwise is more ignorant than the poor woman asking your opinion .

    For the record I personally have no children not do I have an opinions either way on mmr but I am on the ASD and I’m happy to say I have way more empathy than you . Perhaps that it is sorn thing you can learn from your daughter .

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    1. Fair enough, Made, we are all entitled to our opinions.

      I have an opinion that if you are making really big important decisions about your children’s futures, you don’t ask random strangers with no qualifications. You also don’t base those decisions on what people might think of you, which appeared to be her motivation at least in part.

      I don’t believe I ridiculed her personally, she wasn’t named, she’s not walking round with a placard taped to her back that says “Shun me, spit on me, I got a bit of a harsh response from an amateur blogger because I asked a question”.

      That woman’s question was, to me, hurtful, ill-considered and self-indulgent but that wasn’t why I responded so strongly and so publicly. It was because I am VERY painfully aware of (temporarily) having a larger audience than I had anticipated…

      …and ultimately I feel should use that appropriately. The dangers of falling vaccination rates are very real and the consequences are wholly underestimated by women like this.

      I write this blog for me. My choice is to write in a way that is emotive and emotional. I represent no one but myself. You don’t have to read it ever again, you will get over it.

      You are welcome to find me vile, I’m sure you’re not the only one.

      Liked by 1 person

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