Let’s get one thing very clear: despite a very deep desire to be a successful writer (okay, I confess it, argh cringe) I would spend the rest of my days patiently licking big beefy armpits for a living if it meant daughter was happy and permanently free of her sensory processing nightmare.
Please be very clear: I have no issue with having an autistic daughter, I simply have an issue with having a distressed daughter.
This was the first thing I saw in my Inbox this morning:
Congrats, you’ve been Freshly Pressed!
I’ve selected your post ( https://dirtynakedandhappy.wordpress.com/2015/03/03/i-stand-quietly-istandquietly/ ) for Freshly Pressed, a showcase where we feature editors’ picks and community favorites on WordPress.com.
This is a really powerful piece. I’m so glad to see that others are sharing it, and I’m thrilled to share it with our wider audience as well.
Your post will appear at http://discover.wordpress.com/, which is accessible to logged-in WordPress.com users as well as visitors. If you’d like, you can add a “Featured by Freshly Pressed” badge to your site, which will appear in your widget configuration page in Appearance > Widgets once your post is published. Just click on the Freshly Pressed widget to add it to your sidebar and choose your style.
Your post is among a number of other excellent posts this week; watch for it to appear in the next several days. We tweet each editor’s pick on Twitter @freshly_pressed, so follow us to know when your post is up and also to discover the top reads of the day.
Thank you for being part of the biggest and best community of bloggers around the world. We’re proud to be the platform that makes your voice heard.
Michelle Weber / Chief Semicolon Advocate / WordPress.com
Might mean nothing to you but that’s one of my bucket list life ambitions checked off. Seriously. Just. Like. That.
Honestly, I’m in a pickle today. How do you celebrate the success of something that you desperately wish you had no reason to have done? (Is that proper English?)
I am chuffed with how successful ‘I Stand Quietly’ has been in terms of views, reach, all that malarky. I may, for a while, become the I-hate-you-its-the-end-of-the-month-I-need-something-to-make-me-cry-NOW lady fodder of choice!
I once told a wide-eyed (towards the crazy end of) alternative health practitioner that I didn’t really quite believe her treatment would work but that frankly I was at the stage where I would wave a dead pigeon over daughter’s head if I thought it would take away her pain.
Everything in my life centred around trying to make her less troubled. I wasn’t on a mission to cure her of autism – this was long before we had a name for what caused her such distress – like any mother, I just wanted my little girl to be happy.
The trouble with this endeavour is that all this time spent on ‘I Stand Quietly’: it’s not made a jot of difference to her so far. The voice in my head keeps mentioning that I don’t tend to do stuff like that. Perhaps I should go back to googling my insomniac nights away ‘for her’ rather than blogging which is by contrast pretty much ‘for me’…
A few friends have asked me how I’m feeling about all this. Honestly I feel like I’m teetering on a tightrope. Awareness versus exploitation. Thrilled and yet wracked with Mummy guilt. It’s been very cathartic. It’s also the first real (creative) outlet I’ve gained pleasure from in a long time.
Since daughter was diagnosed, lots of people from autism-related professionals through to dear friends have urged me to do something ‘for me’. Since December when the little one became essentially housebound, that has taken on a greater importance…
I am learning to understand that although I love her endlessly,
I do need to I am a better Mummy if I get out of the house sometimes.
Also, for HER sake as much as mine, I’m not just another autism Mummy, I am also me. We’re not just another autism family, we are a family that FECKING ROCK, that should be wooed for playdates and silently envied for how much we love each other.
I don’t think it’s wrong that my daughter learns that I have needs and desires too. So maybe it’s fine for this to have been really good for autism awareness and also really good for ME.
Yay! Go me! Yay!